How to gain my wifes trust and love back?

Ok here's the deal. From day one iv been a pretty crappy husband. Both of my parent dies in a car crash shortly after my wife and I got together. I was really angry so I turned to drugs and beer. I've been really distant I look at instead of being with her I go on chat lines just to have someone who don't know me to talk to I talk to a girl that I went to grad school with and had with when I was 16 I got accused for cheating just cause I was talkin to some girl at work so I changed my job we was fighting once and she hit me so I spit in her face. Called her a ***** in front of everyone at a restraunt. We split for two mont and she costantly accused me for cheating when in five years I never once cheated ever. Until about a month into our divorce. I did I regret it every day now. Well we got back together about a month in a half ago and now we split up again not cause I did anything but cause I have a bad attitude with other ppl then her ppl that bud there nose in my business I've not always been the best but its time for a change I'm seekin councle for my anger and searching for god but right now she say she don't want to be with me. What can I do to make her love me again